Upon waking to discover it was all a computer program

Wow. So it’s really true – it was all just a computer program. Like “The Matrix,” only you guys seem all right. No evil robots trying to kill everyone, or whatever. No Agent Smith trying to kick my ass. Although, now that I think about it, I guess there was an Agent Smith, because that movie, and everything else, is part of the program. You guys must have a sense of humor, to include as part of the program a movie about everything being part of a program. Bravo!

I gotta hand it to you guys – you did a hell of a job. I mean, Earth and everything in it was pretty spectacular. That must have taken a lot of work. How many of you are there, anyway? Did you have to divide up the work, like in all those computer animated movies? Like, was one of you guys responsible for “hair,” and another for “crowds,” and so on?

Also – was the program pretty much the same for everyone? I mean, did everyone live on Earth, or did you create other planets and such? For all I know, I was the only Earthling, and maybe others were giant slugs or flying octopi or whatnot? By the way, am I the only one? I don’t see anyone I know just yet.

Well, like I said, you guys did a great job. Completely believable. Utterly realistic. For the most part, anyway. I gotta say – some of the stuff you guys dreamed up made me wonder. No, really. Not to take anything away from your work, but there was some stuff that, deep down, I just knew had to be fake. No offense, guys. I’m not knocking your work, but come on. Airplanes? Get real. I think we all knew those were bullshit. I mean, they felt real, and flying was a trip (no pun), but come on. A loaded 737 weighs about 75 tons. 75 tons! That’s 150,000 pounds! (I Googled that shit back on Ear- well, wherever it was.) And when they take off, they’re going about 150 miles an hour. (Again – Google.) So you’re trying to tell us that this behemoth of a thing, a passenger jet that’s full of people and luggage and fuel and so on, becomes weightless just because it’s going as fast as a decent sports car? You’re high.

What else? Oh, I know, that SpaceX thing that happened shortly before I woke up. When those two solid rocket boosters returned to Earth and landed perfectly, in unison, upright? I knew that had to be a crock. I gotta admit, it was pretty cool, and I got goose bumps watching it, but come on. I didn’t really believe that for a second. Don’t get me wrong, the special effects were fantastic. But I guess it was all special effects, huh? Being that none of it was real.

Another thing – Donald Trump being president. That made me suspicious, as well. I mean, a lot of us just couldn’t buy it. You guys were really stretching believability with that one. Let me guess – that was inspired by a bet, right? One of you guys dared someone else to come up with something that couldn’t possibly be real, am I right? I gotta say, though, I’m relieved that one wasn’t real. That would have been just too depressing.

So, yeah, there were a few things that made me doubt that I was living in “reality.” On the other hand, there were a few things that made me certain it was real, because I just didn’t think a computer program could be that good. Like the taste of food, for instance. Whichever one of you guys came up with sushi, I want to shake your hand, or whatever kind of appendage you have. And pizza. And, oh yeah, hot cobbler and cold ice cream at the same time? Get a job! That was the freaking shiz-NIT!

Of course, there were other things, like the feeling of love, and kindness, and all that good stuff. I’m kind of sad none of that was real. Wait – is my sadness real now? Do emotions exist on this plane? And is this the real one, or just another program? That would be a sick joke. You guys better not be pulling my leg on this. If I wake up from this experience to yet another level, I’m telling you, I’m going to be pissed.

Anyway. There was one thing that really had me convinced it was real: music. I mean, I really thought there was no possible way that could be part of some program. It was just too good. Not all of it, mind you. I mean, Katy Perry? Kanye West? All that other pop crap? Like I said, it’s good to know you guys have a sense of humor. But there was some stuff that was sublime. The kind of thing that made the hair on my arm stand up. Yeah, yeah, that was all part of the program, too. But still. If there were anything that could convince me that human beings could create something out of the depths of their souls, it was music. And now, to discover it was all part of some program, something without heart or soul, well… that’s a bummer. But it sure did the trick – all my doubts about reality were laid to rest by music. My hat’s off to you for that one.

So – now what?